Separation Anxiety in Early Years: Helping Children Settle into Nursery
- 19 hours ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 7 minutes ago
Welcome back to Eyes On Us, where Emma and Sophie are turning their attention to one of the most emotional parts of starting—or returning to—nursery: separation anxiety.
In this episode, Emma and Sophie unpack a moment many families and practitioners recognise: a child struggling at drop-off, a parent finding it difficult to leave, and everyone wondering how to make the transition feel safer and more manageable.
Separation anxiety is a normal and developmentally appropriate part of early childhood. Young children form strong attachments to their primary caregivers, so being separated from them and placed in an unfamiliar environment can naturally bring fear, uncertainty, and distress.
Although separation anxiety cannot always be avoided, the right support can help children and their families move through the settling-in period with greater confidence.
Understanding Separation Anxiety in Young Children
Separation anxiety does not look the same for every child. Some children may cry, scream, cling to their caregiver, or strongly protest when it is time to say goodbye. Others may become quiet or withdrawn, but this does not mean they need less support.
Young children do not always have the language to explain that they feel nervous, frightened, or unsure about what is happening. Instead, those emotions may be communicated through crying, tantrums, changes in behaviour, or physical reactions.
Emma and Sophie discuss the importance of looking beneath the behaviour and recognising the fear, uncertainty, and need for connection that may be driving it.
Why Changes in Routine Can Make Separation More Difficult
Separation anxiety does not only affect children who are starting nursery for the first time. It can also appear when children return after a long summer holiday, attend a different setting during a break, move into a new room, or experience another change in their familiar routine.
Even when a child already knows the nursery, returning to early mornings, structured routines, and time away from home can feel unsettling.
The episode also explores how children take emotional cues from the adults around them. When parents feel visibly worried or distressed at drop-off, children may interpret this as a sign that they should feel worried too.
Creating Predictable Routines
Predictable routines can help children understand what is going to happen and what is expected of them.
Emma and Sophie discuss the value of establishing a consistent drop-off routine from the beginning. This might include putting away a bag and water bottle, saying goodbye, and then moving into a familiar activity.
Repeating the same steps each morning can make the transition feel less uncertain. Over time, children begin to recognise the routine and understand what will happen next.
Using Visual Timetables to Reduce Uncertainty
Visual timetables can be particularly helpful for children who are anxious about when their parent or caregiver will return.
Emma shares an experience from her own teaching practice in which a child continued to struggle several weeks into the settling-in period. A visual timetable using real photographs of the children’s daily activities helped the child see the order of the day and understand what would happen before home time.
Rather than relying on abstract times that may have little meaning to a young child, practitioners can explain that a parent will return after snack, lunch, outdoor play, or another familiar part of the routine.
By making the day visible and predictable, visual timetables can give children something tangible to return to whenever they begin to feel uncertain.
Supporting Short, Kind and Confident Goodbyes
The way parents say goodbye can influence how a child experiences the separation.
Goodbyes should be short, kind, and confident. Practitioners can help parents understand what to say, what will happen after they leave, and how the nursery team will comfort their child.
Emma and Sophie also explain why parents should never disappear without saying goodbye. Although quietly leaving may seem like an easier way to avoid upsetting a child, discovering that a caregiver has suddenly disappeared can damage trust and create further anxiety.
A clear goodbye helps children understand that their parent is leaving, that they are safe with their practitioner, and that their parent will return.
Acknowledging Children’s Feelings
Children should not be told to stop crying or made to feel that their emotions are wrong.
For a young child, being separated from a primary caregiver can be an enormous experience. Practitioners can acknowledge this by saying that they understand the child feels sad or did not want their parent to leave.
Offering comfort, closeness, reassurance, and a calm presence helps children understand that their emotions are accepted and that their practitioner is someone they can turn to when they feel upset.
Using Transitional Objects
A familiar teddy, blanket, or comfort item can provide a connection between home and the nursery environment.
These transitional objects can be particularly helpful during the first few weeks of settling in. As the child becomes more secure, the item can gradually remain in their bag before eventually being left at home.
The aim is not to remove the comfort object immediately, but to allow the child to build enough trust and confidence that they no longer need to depend on it throughout the day.
Building Partnerships With Parents
Settling in can be just as emotional for parents as it is for children. Even parents who understand early childhood development may find leaving their own child at nursery unexpectedly difficult.
Clear and compassionate communication can make a significant difference. A quick photograph, message, or phone call to confirm that a child has settled can reassure a worried parent and prevent that anxiety from continuing throughout the day.
Parents do not need judgement during this period. They need empathy, reassurance, and a genuine partnership with their child’s setting.
Supporting Practitioners During the Settling-In Period
Supporting distressed children each morning can also be emotionally exhausting for practitioners.
Emma and Sophie highlight the importance of teams recognising this pressure and supporting one another. Practitioners may need opportunities to take a short break, speak with a colleague, or step away briefly before returning to the room.
Staff cannot provide their best emotional support to children if their own wellbeing is overlooked. Settling in therefore requires partnership across the whole nursery community: between the child, the family, the practitioner, and the wider team.
Safety, Consistency and Connection
Separation anxiety is not something that can be resolved instantly. Children need time to become familiar with their environment, build relationships with practitioners, understand their routines, and trust that their caregiver will return.
Through safety, consistency, and connection, difficult drop-offs can gradually become more manageable. Eventually, the child who once struggled to let go may be the one confidently waving goodbye and walking through the nursery door.