Kindness Is More Than Being Nice
Welcome back to Eyes On Us. In this episode, we’re talking about kindness and what it means for young children.
We often teach kindness through familiar phrases and routines: “sharing is caring,” “gentle hands,” taking turns, saying sorry, or giving a child a reward for helping. These can seem like simple ways to encourage good behaviour. But if kindness becomes a set of rules children must follow, they may learn to comply without understanding how another person feels.
Kindness is something children learn
Young children are still developing the skills that help them notice and respond to other people’s feelings. Kindness grows over time, through experience and through the relationships around them.
That means our aim is not only to tell children what kind behaviour looks like. We also need to create an environment where they can experience empathy, respect and care for themselves. Those experiences help children begin to recognise those feelings in others.
Kindness and boundaries belong together
Being kind does not mean a child must always share, take turns immediately or make another person feel better. Children also need to know that they have boundaries and that it is okay to say no.
If one child wants a toy another child is using, the answer does not always have to be that the first child gives it up. An adult might help the children think about another possibility: could they play together, find something else, or work out what they both need?
This helps children see that kindness can include care for another person while still respecting their own needs.
Adults show children what kindness feels like
Children learn from the way adults treat them, especially when something goes wrong. If a child spills something, knocks an object over or hurts someone by accident, we can correct what needs correcting while still speaking with patience and respect.
Listening matters too. Children may need time to find the words they want. A calm response, an acknowledgement of their feelings, and respect for their boundaries all show children what empathy feels like in practice.
Children also notice how adults treat one another. The way we speak to colleagues, parents and other adults is part of the example children see every day. Kindness becomes part of the culture through those everyday interactions, not only through posters, reward charts or special roles such as “kindness helper.”
Help children work through conflict
Conflict is a normal part of childhood. Children may want the same toy, the same space or an adult’s attention. It can be tempting to solve the problem for them straight away, but there are moments when we can pause and help them think together.
We might acknowledge what is happening: “You both really want to play with this car.” Then we can ask what they might do next or help them recognise how someone else is feeling. This gives children a chance to practise working through a disagreement, with adult support.
The language we use can make a difference. Rather than labelling a child as unkind, we can describe what we see, hold the boundary, and help them understand what needs to happen next.
Respond to behaviour with empathy and clear boundaries
When a child is struggling, it helps to look beyond the behaviour and consider what the child may be communicating. We can acknowledge their feelings while making expectations clear.
For example: “I can see you’re angry, but I won’t let you hit. Let’s find a safe way to show how you feel.” A child can be upset and still need a boundary. Holding that boundary kindly shows that care and firmness can go together.
Children also develop at different rates. Expectations around sharing, empathy and conflict need to reflect what children are ready to manage. Kindness does not appear overnight; it grows through repeated experience and support.
Let children experience kindness
Children do not learn kindness simply by memorising phrases such as “sharing is caring.” They learn through the way they are treated, the way adults treat one another, and the opportunities they have to notice and respond to other people.
When we respect children, acknowledge their feelings, include them, and support them through conflict, we give them experiences they can build on. The goal is for children to experience kindness in their relationships, not just perform it to earn approval.